Dear Dark Skinned Girl

The Dangers of High School Sweethearts

July 3rd, 2022

The dream of being high school or college sweethearts is common among young relationships. From many of our childhood movies and shows, these scenes are displayed as the ultimate goal within young adults. In such conversations, however, I feel like the danger of such devotion to romantic relationships and partners at a young age is not talked about.

As young adults, we are finding out how to navigate the world and grow into better versions of ourselves. When a priority and dependence is placed on a partner, it can distract from prioritizing yourself. When you are committed to a relationship without knowing your full worth, it can make you put up with a lot of unhealthy situations that you shouldn’t. Of course, the inability to set boundaries or get involved in unhealthy relationships is not to be fully blamed on you knowing your self-worth (at a young age or ever). But as we acknowledge that our frontal cortex (the decision making part of our brain) is not fully developed until the age of 25, age is emphasized as an important factor in committed relationships. Your very ability to make healthy and mature decisions is compromised.

Given this fact, a lot of people will settle in pursuit of seeking young love instead of healthy relationships. Perhaps because you had been together for a long time, there might be a pressure to remain with that partner. Even when you acknowledge that something is not right within the relationship, you may stick around to “change” that person. This ride or die mentality is extremely harmful, and often unproductive, especially for a young teen who barely knows themselves. And just in the same way you haven’t fully developed and found yourself, chances are neither has your “dream” partner. Though they will change, it would not be healthy for them to do so to your confined desires. Just as you do, your partner needs space to grow as well.

Often when devoting to young romantic relationships, some young adults forget the importance of space apart. It is crucial to establish other relationships too- bonding with family or hanging out with friends. Space apart will allow you to develop your own sense of self not tied to your relationship with a single person. It will allow a sense of independence that is sometimes necessary to speak up for yourself and create boundaries. Being around different people will also allow you to have fresh perspectives on your relationship. Your teenage years are all about making memories, so why not make them with as many loved ones as possible.

And when you take time, taking time by yourself is just as important as being with someone else. Learning your love language and being able to love yourself is necessary. Self-love should be a priority at this time in our lives, as we are growing up. Doing things that make you happy and fulfilled will give you the perfect comparison for when you are not. This will allow you to set boundaries and walk away from things that don’t feel good.

While I think committed relationships are fun and work for a lot of people, I also think being open minded is important. There really is no rush to find your forever spouse now. Being a tennager/young adult provides you with the perfect time to experiment. It gives you a chance to get to know a lot of people, figure out your boundaries. This journey gives you a perfect opportunity to learn more about yourself too. Throughout these experiments, it gives you the space to become yourself, in a healthy manner that might be compromised in the pursuit of seeking a highschool sweetheart.

While there have been many successful highschool and/or college sweethearts, that really doesn’t have to be a goal. It is just as beautiful a journey to experiment and allow yourself the freedom to do you. Perhaps, if they were the one after all, there would be a reunion.

✰

✰

✰

Featured Art: @artbyprincella on Instagram
Drag Performance and Black Lives Matter

January 2nd, 2022

Black drag queens have been at the forefront of social justice movements since Stonewall, and this past decade has only seen this trend continue. Popular reality competition show RuPaul’s Drag Race has given several drag queens, both Black and not, a platform to use their voice and their drag to advocate for change. One being Symone, RuPaul’s Drag Race’s Season 13 winner. Symone, a Black queen from Arkansas, used the show’s runway to demonstrate her support for Black Lives Matter, wearing a “Say Their Names” dress with bullet wounds on the back. The look sparked conversation among the judges’ panel, fellow drag queens, and on social media platforms such as Twitter. While known for its glamorous and entertaining nature, it is clear that the impact of drag extends far beyond lip syncing.

The term drag is believed to have Shakespearean roots. During the 17th century, only male actors participated in Shakespeare theater productions and would dress as female actors when necessary. It is rumored that 17th century actors coined the term drag when discussing how their dress costumes would “drag” across the floor. Drag did not become a part of American culture until it was introduced as a part of the vaudeville entertainment genre of the early 20th century.

Vaudeville combined music, comedy, dance and often female impersonation for a live entertainment experience. It is from vaudeville that the first famous drag queen emerged: Julian Eltinge. Eltinge placed drag in the spotlight of American entertainment, aiding in its increasing popularity. Following Eltinge, gay men began to perform as drag queens in underground clubs in the 1930’s. Drag has been intertwined with gay American culture ever since, and has evolved consistently with time. Drag queens have found themselves both underground and in the mainstream media, fighting for gay liberation and more recently Black lives.

In June of 2020, drag queen Jo Mama organized “Drag March For Change”, an event meant to raise awareness of police brutality against Black Americans and violence against Black trans women. Thousands of drag queens in full drag attire marched in Chicago calling for a defunding of the police, reallocation of police funding, and for violence against trans people to be considered a hate crime. Jo Mama and other participants aimed to emphasize intersectionality in their march, wanting to serve as a reminder that LGBTQ+ Black lives are included in the fight for all Black lives.

Famous Drag Race alumni Bob the Drag Queen immediately responded to the killing of George Floyd with a call to action. Bob encouraged her Twitter followers to use their voices and advocate for Black lives. Unable to participate in protests due to health concerns surrounding the pandemic, Bob traveled to local jails and bailed out protesters, proving that there are multiple avenues for supporting Black lives. In an hour long conversation on the drag queen’s YouTube channel, Bob discussed how white silence is both unacceptable and extremely harmful to the Black Lives Matter movement. Through both conversation and action, Bob the Drag Queen has served as an example to her fellow drag queens and the world at large what it means to be a true activist.

Bob’s Drag Race community followed a similar course of action, with over 40 former Drag Race competitors appearing in a five minute YouTube video challenging non-Black identifying people to speak out against white supremacy and police brutality. The drag queens featured in the video advocate for the signing of petitions and challenging of belief systems that have allowed racism to persist in America for centuries. Although the creator of Drag Race, RuPaul, has said little on the human rights issue of the mistreatment of Black Americans, the queens who have competed on his show have used their newfound popularity for good.

At its core, drag has always had a spirit of revolution and change. In drag’s history are queens such as Marsha P. Johnson, who fought for the liberation of minority groups even when pushed to the outskirts of the movements they helped to create. Now, with new drag queens facing similar social challenges as their predecessors, drag is serving as a force for shaking up long-standing systems and promoting cultural change once again.

✰

✰

✰

Featured image from DAZED Magazine
A Call Home: “Black Girl, Call Home”

November 26th, 2021

Jasmine Mans’s poetry book Black Girl, Call Home was published this past March. The poetry collection explores concepts of femininity, sexuality, race, police and gun violence, religion, and much more, through powerful storytelling and imagery.

Jasmin Mans is a Black and lesbian poet native to Newark, New Jersey. She recalls many of her childhood memories that informed her view of the world and of love. Yet, the book takes the reader/listener on a journey of unlearning many of what seemed like “facts” that hindered her from being her true self.

The first 3 poems of Mans’s book are dedicated to hair; the taunting of her natural hair, the desire and beauty sought when her hair grows and she “won’t be bald-headed anymore,” the experience of the kitchen being repurposed as a salon. From the very start of the book, Mans’s starts with a scene too familiar to a Black daughter. The inability for many Black girls to find beauty in their natural hair stems from childhood insecurity, generational insecurities even, with racist roots. Mans starts this dialogue by describing the pain of becoming “beautiful,” when her hair would be done for school the night before. Recently on Twitter, a user replied to a tweet on “hair depression for Black women” by sharing about a “crying fit” they had in middle school when they couldn’t get their hair done early enough and had to go to school with their hair out without knowing how to style it (@butt_um_liam). Mans touched on this sharing experience, that in many ways is almost traumatic. And just as the conversation of natural hair starts the book, it also starts with the very first ideas of beauty for many Black women.

Mans goes on to explore Black motherhood through religion, meals and growing ideas of femininity and sexuality. Mans introduces stories of Sunday cleaning and Easter dinners. She speaks of how meals were a display of affection, but how resourceful her mother was. Nothing went to waste. She spoke of the first periods, where mothers urged their daughters to hide the blood and pain. She spoke on the curiosity of not knowing her mother outside the context of motherhood, wondering who she was as a girl. She unearths arguments where she called her mother “a bitch,” explaining that even in the moments she didn’t act like she had a mother- she always would. In the poem “Blame,” Mans’ describes her mother’s broken heart through the actions of her father- the things he could and couldn’t control. She speaks of Black mothers and women who cling on to men who disrespect them- like Kanye, because they recognize they make men like him.

Mans’s exploration of Black motherhood seamlessly transitioned to the first conversations of sexuality. She describes that her mother had prepared her to be a man’s wife. In the poem, “Momma Said D*ke at the Kitchen Table,” Mans describes the scene of coming out to her mother and being greeted with “Oh, so you a d*ke now?” She explains a resentment that her mother displayed, yet quickly recognized the fear laced behind it. She says, “I don’t want another reason to be scared for you. Momma said, so you gonna be a d*ke now, as she meant to say ‘I’m scared for you.’” The multiple identities that Black queer women have makes it hard for them to fully move safely in this world. Mans’s reflects on this “additional” unsafety her sexuality exposes her to, and new fear her mother has. She also explores the questioning of very personal and intimate details ever since she came out as lesbain, all the questions on gender roles within a lesbian relationship.

Many of the poems are on love and heartbreak. Mans talks about her relationships with women, falling in love with stories and bodies. She speaks about falling in love with silent parts of someone else’s body, the intimacy in falling in love. She speaks of laughter, being held close and fantasizing a love forever with a woman- a love that can survive. She recognized parts of her relationships that were compromised due to “religious beliefs.” Yet, Mans speaks of praying to god about her girlfriends, about making it to heaven before to avoid heartbreak. She writes of having to lie to maintain a relationship. And conflicts about people not being comfortable able to recognize the validity of their relationship. There were lost lovers, those that are too far gone to ever rekindle.

In the poem “Nerf Guns: Christmas 2019, Tulsa,” Mans spoke on gun violence. She reflected on how at 28 she played with her first Nerf gun, along with her nieces and nephews. This was banned in her home growing up, because the play was a little too close to reality. In a later poem, she describes a familiar memorial scene of teddy bears tied on fences and the nostalgia of missing family when young boys die. These stories humanize lives lost too early, the universal memorial that shouldn’t be so familiar. She speaks of the fear of having a Black son, being “caught in your skin.” She talks about the discomfort from the fear of knowing that the skin and body of Black sons could be the reason for losing one you love. There seems to be time on the existence of Black boys’ lives.

Throughout the poem, Mans sought to tell untold stories of unseen girls. She speaks of the killings of transgender women that are ignored, and then such ignorance that ignorant people try to justify through religion. She told stories of girls who were raped, the examination rooms, the fight for one’s body, the girls who were violated. She spoke of knowing stories of those you don’t personally know- that shared experience. Manns writes of victim blaming, and the dangers of it. She spoke the names of girls who went missing, a long list. She uncovered the history of exploited bodies for “medical purposes,” Black bodies stolen from their owners, and the story of bodies that were permitted to be toyed with.

Morgan Jerkins writes in a review, “This book is a haven for all the Black daughters out there, hoping to make sense of the power and powerlessness in their bodies, the connection to others’ bodies, and the moments of everyday life that comprise so much of our identities.” Jasmine Mans writes of a world so familiar to many Black girls. She tailored a book that retold life stories beyond her own. It made me feel seen, I heard stories and thoughts I didn’t think existed outside my life. If you need a new book to read, this is the one.

✰

✰

✰

Featured art from Refinery.29.com
The Colonisation of Black Beauty

October 9th, 2021

Society has a love-hate relationship with Black beauty, our features are ridiculed and heavily disrespected, but they are loved and alluring on other races; just as long as that race is not ours. Since birth, we are told that our noses, our lips, our melanated skin and our hair texture is less than and that we should aspire to have straightened hair, snatched and sleek noses and swirls of indigo in our eyes. Society is yet to reach a point where our beauty is wholly recognised and respected.

Colonialism brought upon and introduced the idea of a social hierarchy, and whiteness soon became an ideal at large. Western beauty standards were now the pinnacle point of beauty, it is at this point where beauty was in the hands of the coloniser. The ideology of whiteness being right is a construct just like race. It was made to assert control, dominance, and power over colonial subjects. Therefore, as a society, we need to think in terms of seeing ourselves in a way that does not take away our humanity, because that is what imperialism and colonialism did. And just because colonialism is in the past, does not mean its legacy — that is ingrained in our minds — ceases to exist.

We have been trained to believe that Western features are on top, and forced to believe they outshine non-white features. My flat buttoned nose, enlarged lips, sepia skin and jet black tresses are no match to current beauty standards according to society.

For many young Black girls, our hair is manipulated to conform to Western standards. We know the tickling feeling and pungent smell of hair relaxers. Our curls are slathered in chemicals that will help us fit into the narrowed hair standards. Straight hair should not be the apex of beauty, because quite frankly our minds have been tampered into believing that looser textures of hair are the epitome of beauty. Curls, coils and kinks are unique in their own way and should be valued as such.

There has definitely been a shift in how Black hair is viewed today. Nowadays we see that there is a culture that boasts and embraces the array of Black hair textures. That widely being in the community itself, which is progressive as it encourages our people to unlearn the construct of whiteness being what we should aspire to. However, as a society collectively we are yet to see that at the same level. In our society, Black hair is still only held to a higher regard than it was before if the texture is looser, has a bouncy curl and perfectly coils when in contact with water. The love towards Black hair is unconditional. This is because Black women with tighter curls are still not widely represented when it comes to the face of Black hair. This goes to show that there is everlasting contempt towards Type four hair for instance. Black hair is still colonised because the Black hair that is accepted has close proximity to Eurocentric hair standards.

Black lips. See, society loves the prospect and allure of our features; just as long as it is not on us. I grew up believing the notion that my lips were “too big”, “enlarged” and “too dark” so much so that I would purposefully smile in a way that didn’t show the true size of my lips; in pursuit of aspiring to have smaller lips that resembled my white counterparts.

Although, nowadays society finds fuller lips as appealing as soon as fuller lips became a trend on non-Black people. But, Black lips have always been here, but their beauty is masked by disdain, unfortunately.

Over the past few years, I have noticed that the features that black women have always had are being treated as a new aesthetic. When a celebrity adopts that facial feature. When I was younger, having bigger lips was unattractive and unsightly.

In 2015, I noticed a monumental shift in the way larger lips were viewed, when Kylie Jenner got and acknowledged that she had lip fillers. In the wake of Kylie’s surgeries, society revised its attitudes towards bigger lips. Getting lip fillers and injections became normalised, and for the first time accepted by society as a recent wave of beauty. It wasn’t until someone who was not black got their lips done cosmetically to appear fuller that white people praised it as if it was new. Meanwhile, Black women have had full lips all along. For many of us Black women, we have grown up hearing that our features are overly large and masculine. Now with the emergence of cosmetic alterations, they are suddenly seen as alluring.

Black lips should be embraced on Black women for starters, society cannot continue to take away from our beauty. Black lips are not a trend.

“Darkie”, “shadow”,“pitch-black night sky” are some names that have been thrown at us Black people because of the colour of our skin. In essence, what is wrong with the colour of our skin? Think about it, who has taught society to believe that having a darker skin tone makes you less competent, less worthy and less worthy? It is a manufactured ideology because the idea of “race” is a construct.

I love my sepia hue and I have learned to embrace it after liberating my mind of the damaging notion that I have to be “lighter” to love myself. Society is yet to do that for itself. Our minds have been trained to label and judge darker-skinned people as unworthy and judge them upon first look.

In order to decolonise Black beauty, we have to aim to remove the standards that have been perpetuated by white society since birth. To make that happen, we have to educate ourselves on the construct of race. By this, I mean that we have to educate ourselves on how standards are conditional and that there is no right way to look– and whiteness is not the best option. We need to see value, beauty and worthiness in the alluring abundance of other cultures, races and ethnicities. As a society, we must stop subconsciously preferring and treating whiteness with such glory.

✰

✰

✰

Art credits: Asia R, @rey.illustration on Instagram
Abolishing the Model Minority Myth

September 17th, 2021

The model minority myth is an idea that encourages racism and drives a wedge between minority groups, forcing them to focus on being against each other rather than against their oppressors. White supremacists have often used this idea to place minorities into two categories: “The obedient, token minority” and “The threatening disobedient minority.” Those who believe in the model minority myth often place minorities into those categories based on stereotypes. The model minority myth is extremely destructive, and it is a way of thinking that must be put to death if we wish to grow and mature as a society.

Considering the recent hate crimes that have been committed against Asian Americans, many people have been forced to re-evaluate the way they view minorities. I have found that many Americans did not even believe that Asian Americans could experience racially motivated hate crimes. This is false and stems from the model minority myth. No matter how much a minority group is praised, they will never be treated with the utmost respect that they deserve. Asian Americans are often placed in the first category that I mentioned: “The obedient, token minority.” People often compare them to other minorities, claiming that Asian Americans are more obedient and intelligent– Not threatening or disobedient like other groups. Yet, the same people who perpetuate this idea were quick to claim the exact opposite when Asian Americans were fighting back against the racism that they had experienced. This just goes to show that in the mind of a closed-minded racist there is no “Perfect minority;” just a minority who is quiet and compliant. To them, a model minority does not display the very stereotypes that they placed upon marginalized groups.

This false narrative takes experiences from the groups that are seen as the model minorities and weaponizes them to use against groups that are not seen as the model minorities. This does a great amount of harm because the experiences of those model minorities are not truly being understood, they are just misused. This is why many people who believe in the model minority myth were surprised when Asian Americans spoke out. The Asian American community has always voiced their concerns, but instead of listening to them, people ignored those concerns and mistreated more people.

Another reason the model minority myth is harmful is that it further instills the idea that the “threatening, disobedient” minority cannot be anything but threatening and disobedient. This myth also makes it significantly harder for those unfavored minorities to be successful. It makes those people in marginalized groups feel as though they must do the impossible in order to be respected. After completing the impossible, they must rid themselves of everything that makes them unique to be accepted. There is no winning for any minority in the model minority myth, whether in the first or second category.

This way of thinking allows society to blame the culture and values of different groups instead of taking responsibility for the system that allows marginalized groups to continue being marginalized. In the mind of one that believes in the model minority, there is no systematic racism because the success of minorities can be based on what they look like. Certain minority groups will always triumph over others and some of them will never be successful no matter how much they try because they will never be more than the stereotypes that define them.

https://mobile.twitter.com/mikajain/status/1397660695181725697

The model minority myth ignores the fact that within a minority group, different experiences may pertain to different ethnic groups within that minority.

This myth also often strips certain minorities of their minority status, while keeping them at arm’s length. It says, “You are not oppressed enough to be a minority, yet you will never receive the privilege that white people have.” It allows certain minorities to feel as though they are stuck in the middle, not wanting to be as low as the minorities in the second category, but never being able to reach that perfect status. The truth is there is no model minority. There is no minority better than or less than any other. This idea that has been pushed for so long negatively affects all that are involved, even those that seem to be benefiting from this false narrative. This idea disguises a long history of racism as a form of appreciation to keep certain minorities from being able to comfortably speak out on the racism that they experience. It makes things like the “American Dream” seem unreachable to many minorities solely because of their race.

I encourage everyone to do away with the model minority. I encourage minorities to avoid the temptation to be allied with those who only aim to oppress. This idea has never been used to uplift; it has only been weaponized to create unrealistic expectations for those in a system that has never benefited them. Eradicating this myth will make those who believe in it unable to blame racial inequalities on anything but the system that has given room for the inequalities. It will also force them to always see minorities as humans, not just when beneficial or when they can make inaccurate comparisons between groups of people that have different individual experiences. Ridding ourselves of this idea as a society will allow us to focus on the voices of those that have often been silenced. There is no winner in an unjust system.

✰

✰

✰

Featured artwork by Asia R., @rey.illustration on Instagram
It Hasn’t Been 101 Years

August 27th, 2021

In August 2021, the United States celebrated 101 years since the ratification of the 19th Amendment and how far American women had come since receiving voting rights. However, that centennial didn’t mark a century since every woman in America could vote, but every white woman. By 1920, women of every other ethnic groups, including indigenous, African-American, Asian-American, and Latina, weren’t privy to such a right. Despite the emphasis placed on the twentieth century suffrage movement and the path it supposedly paved for women’s rights, what exactly did feminism then, and in its all succeeding waves, mean for women of color?

First-wave feminism, from the late nineteenth century to early twentieth, was directly linked to the suffrage of white women. Though many attach all sorts of labels like able-bodied, cisgendered, and middle-to-upper class, it was only white women who benefitted from the 19th Amendment. Sacrificing the rights of their fellow women was a compromise with white male leaders that this group was willing to make, considering that their gender was the one factor hindering them from total privilege. The famous Seneca Falls Convention didn’t even have African-American women present, who were expected to “wait their turn”; this further strengthens how they were viewed as the other and that their needs were deemed as entirely separate from that of white women’s. When it came time for protest, they made the active choice of relying on Cherokee, Haudenosaunee, and Chinese-American women, who they regarded as “less threatening” than the Black women they were sidelining.

However, once the right to vote was received, there was radio silence on the issues concerning women of color, including racism and voter suppression. The repeated usage of the phrase “women’s rights” must have confounded WOC, as they saw themselves belonging to the gender just as equally as their white contemporaries, but didn’t benefit from the strides supposedly made. Sojourner Truth questioned what gender and race meant to her in her famous “Ain’t I a Woman” speech when she addressed all the rights she never received as a black person, a woman, and a black woman. Truth points out that because of misogynoir, her blackness takes away from her womanhood. The activism of WOC was inherently intersectional; unlike white women, they had to defend all aspects of their identity at once because one aspect could further diminish another. While “women” received voting rights on paper, indigenous and Asian-American women weren’t even given citizenship and the same policies preventing Black men from voting now applied to Black and Latinx women. There was no choice in being either a race activist or a gender activist; first-wave feminism refused to take this into account.

From the 1960s-1980s, second-wave feminism was better able to include WOC. The agenda of middle-class white women had once again been at the forefront and their concerns with being allowed in the workplace and abortion rights didn’t always coincide with the concerns of WOC, who were always required to play subservient roles and were trying to prevent forced sterilizations. These differences in interests stemmed from historical differences in power; white women had the ability to demand entrance into the workforce when service hadn’t been made their entire identity as it had for WOC.

Minority women accepted that they would have to branch off on their own, which led to the founding of the Chicana movement and the National Black Feminist Organization. Both worked toward convincing WOC that they could benefit from feminism that hadn’t been portrayed in white mainstream media. To map out how their compounded oppression, WOC discussed not only how their race and gender affected their role in society, but also their sexualities, whether they’re able-bodied, their class, and their skin color. They were bolder in targeting intersectionality, which was coined by Black professor/critical race theorist Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw during this wave. From an engagement standpoint, WOC were broadening the accessibility of feminism and evolving the color of equality. Americans saw the fragmentation of this “monolith with a single unified agenda” that many had seen feminism as.

Third-wave feminism, from the ‘90s to the 2000s, saw women reclaiming femininity, which first and second-wavers had shied away from in order to be taken more seriously by male establishment. However, ferocity, being rebellious, and other stereotypically masculine behaviors were equally important during this time as a test of gender identity. Both these aspects of the third-wave were critical for WOC, who previously had their femininity stripped from them due to their race and were viewed in a more masculine light due to their service roles. They were finally accessing the femininity naturally associated with white women while also fleshing out a form of masculinity that was self-validating rather than societally enforced. The media was extremely important during this period as feminist accomplishments pertained to the social/the cultural rather than the political. This way, third-wave feminism was integrating intersectionality more directly into the movement by working slightly harder to include WOC, while still keeping them at arm’s length.

Though many believe them opposites, exclusionary feminism is inherently misogynistic. When fighting for equality without desiring it in a format that is accessible to all women, you are prejudiced against WOC in order to obtain what men have. It forces feminism to prioritize the power already held by men rather than the power that can be garnered by complete female unity. Feminism then becomes about acquiring privilege, not restructuring society to incorporate justice into its institutions.

As WOC pushed themselves closer to the forefront of each successive wave, less and less definitive legislation can be assigned to those eras. This introduces the assumption that as the undervalued made themselves known, there was suddenly less legislative fervor to rectify their issues. It reinforces that feminism is the empowerment of white women rather than all women. Though the landmarks they have made are highly commendable, achievements supposedly in the name of feminism shouldn’t be spread out for other ethnic groups as if they are meant to wait their turns. We shouldn’t have to wait until 2052, 2062, and 2065 to celebrate a century since Asian-American, indigenous, Black, and Latina women received voting rights. The goal of feminism must mean that when you utter the word “women”, you’re including all of them.

✰

✰

✰

Photo credits: Charlotte Mecklenburg Library, “Vote Baby Vote.” Courtesy of Gabriel Hackett, Getty Images.
What It Means to Navigate Two Different Worlds as a First-Gen American

August 10th, 2021

A people hold among them culture, tradition and a particular way of life. Different countries hold different national values. When your parents originated and discovered themselves in a world quite different from the one you are discovering yourself in, disagreements about how to navigate the world are bound to arise. I cannot retell a story about not fitting fully into two different worlds, because that is not my experience. I’d say I’ve had the privilege of knowing two countries so well I can call them both home. This knowledge allows me to criticize and accept parts of each I’ve experienced, and form my own unique cultural identity.

Within cultures themselves, different generations break and curate new traditions to change what was previously deemed unchangeable. My parents, and many of yours, have probably broken traditions and gained new aspects to their cultural identity that the previous generation didn’t have. In that sense, they understand the changes that come with time- although to a somewhat limited extent.

There is only so much influence the ideals, traditions, and way of life of parents will be received by their children. As people come to age, their thoughts are not restricted solely to what their parents teach; everywhere they exist and everyone they meet will influence who they are. Since the people and places you meet in a new country are not directly going to spread the same ideals you are taught at home, it poses a different standard for parenthood that immigrant parents are unfamiliar with.

Challenging and criticizing parts of my culture and its beliefs is sometimes taken as an attack on the character of its people, including my parents. And very well, your beliefs do reflect your character. But most times criticizing tradition takes into account the fact that our parents are members of a system that has long not been challenged. Their character, just like ours, is a product of their environment. I’ve come to understand that even if I disagree with some parts of their way of life, some ideals become too intertwined with our being to change. It can be frustrating to see them live out with beliefs that fundamentally contradict your understanding of the world. But disagreements on how to live your life forces one to see with more sympathy and understanding.

There is an embrace of sensuality and sexuality with my generation and in New York that isn’t quite the same in Mali. And while I was frustrated with that for some time, I’ve come to understand that I wasn’t looking at a full picture. As it turns out, femininity and sensuality are embraced in Mali. Within my parents’ generation, there was a spread of women’s empowerment that had never been seen before. Women were more expressive through their clothing choices. My parents broke traditions and created a new culture for their ideals to exist in, one that their parents didn’t quite understand or agree with. I’ve believed and accepted my generation’s notions of sex-positivity and sexuality in a way that is quite detached from the beliefs of previous generations, too. And that’s in some part because of the cultural difference we were exposed to, but also just as a nature of changing times before changing minds. Change happens within regions at different speeds.

Yet, when it comes to conversations about self-love, boundaries, and healthy relationships, it’s beyond frustrating to see the types of actions that are deemed acceptable within my culture. The mental abuse that is endured, especially by married women, is sometimes astounding. I think a lot of women aren’t given the chance to fully explore and love themselves despite being expected to pour all their energy into their husbands or children. Especially when it comes to societal pressures of marriage, there can be a huge stigma around divorce for older generations. A lot of women refuse to choose their peace for the sake of their children, or even because of fear of what others might say. As someone who is trying to love themselves and establish healthy relationships and boundaries, this is a frustrating reality to witness.

A criticism of my, or any, culture is not a rejection or diminishment of its value. It is simply a questioning of ideals, of why things are the way they are. I am especially hesitant about how I receive some parts of my culture given a Western educational background. I reflect on points that may stem from a type of superiority. But there are some fundamental aspects like homophobia or sexism prevalent in the functions of my culture society that I will never accept. I have set as my truth, and fundamental truth, that it is inhumane to treat anyone less than because of their sex or sexuality. These hateful beliefs are invasions that have settled some of the ways of my culture that I gladly choose to reject. And they make me grateful for being a part of another world that has challenged only looking at people for an aspect of their identity.

I’ve also come to better understand that beyond some trivial differences about how to navigate the world, the pressure of success as a first-generation child and student stems from the lack of opportunities my parents had. In many cases, it stems from a position of good intention, just faulty execution. Parents fail to fully understand their pressure added to the personal pressure on school and life. And even when they do attempt to understand it, their attempts sometimes aren’t enough.

A change in environment can sometimes completely change someone’s cultural identity as a young child, though it is less likely to occur in adulthood. So for kids who move from one country to settle in a new one, they will adopt and be influenced by the culture to a greater degree than their parents.

That’s not to say that parents aren’t also influenced by new environments. As previously acknowledged, a lot of immigrant parents do have to bend the traditional roles of parenthood. My parents are keener on apologizing and listening. They are more open to honest conversation and to being vulnerable. They are open to learn and change and become better parents.

Yet, it is to say that I look at the world through a different lens than anyone, but also a significantly different one to my parents. And that doesn’t make one of us right, or better navigators of the world. Rather, we are just navigating two different worlds differently. My exposure to more ideals and standards is because of my exposure to a new world. As I am finding myself, I take the agency to question. I must question before I fully embrace.

For me, being a first-generation child has not been about shame or disappointment in some ways my parents or other family members have chosen to live their life. It’s just allowed me to to explore and challenge what’s always been in front of me. Being introduced to a new culture on top of my own has given me a chance to pick and choose what I hold as my truths.

I sincerely believe that you criticize places and people you love the most. You learn from them. Just as my parents aren’t identical reflections of their parents, I won’t be identical reflections of them. And that’s a truth I’m no longer guilty feeling.

✰

✰

✰

Featured artwork: Reyna Noriega (@reynanoriega_ on Instagram)
The Crack Epidemic: How the US Government Failed Black Americans

August 2nd, 2021

Ricochet was born into an unstable home with a verbally abusive mother in 196`1. She quickly became involved with drugs, alcohol and both abusive and drug-addicted men. Ricochet eventually moved out of her childhood home, and into a low income Harlem housing project with her two children. She soon developed an addiction to crack, which led to the neglect of her children.

To support her addiction, she often spent money on obtaining crack cocaine instead of necessary items such as food and clothing for her children, and prostituted herself for drugs when money became unavailable.

Ricochet fell into a cycle of entering relationships with viciously abusive men and being unable to maintain housing for both herself and her children, while simultaneously feeding her addiction to crack. By 1998, Ricochet had lost custody of both her children and was once again in a relationship of domestic violence.

Ricochet’s story does not have a resolution or a happy ending, nor is it a unique experience. It is the result of America’s treatment of addiction as a social plague rather than a public health crisis.

Crack cocaine’s production in America began in the 1980s. The drug was quickly popularized as a result of its cheap pricing and highly addictive nature. With the introduction of crack came an emergence of inner city drug markets that supported frequent users. Prior to and during the 80s, “white flight” occurred. White Americans moved into the suburbs in large groups, while Black Americans were often denied access to these suburbs, resulting in high numbers of Black Americans residing in poorly resourced inner city communities.

These communities provided very little economic opportunity, leading several young Black men to become small time drug dealers during the crack era. Crack dealers made large profits, and the desire to protect this cash flow led to an increase in inner city violence. The homicide rate for Black males between the ages of 14 and 17 more than doubled during the crack era, between 1984 and 1994.

Rather than promoting rehabilitation, the US government responded to the crack epidemic with an attitude of deterrence. Former president Ronald Reagan famously characterized his government’s response to the crack epidemic as the “War on Drugs.” However, the Reagan administration’s legislation and course of action during the War on Drugs era made it clear that this was not a declaration of war on drugs, but rather a war on inner city Black communities.

The 1986 Anti-Drug Abuse Act targeted Black inner city crack users and dealers, as it required a mandatory minimum sentence of five years without parole for 5 grams of crack cocaine, while requiring the same mandatory minimum sentence for 500 grams of powder cocaine. Powder cocaine was much more expensive than crack cocaine, and more importantly, almost exclusively used by white Americans.

The act also led to the mass incarceration of hundreds of thousands young Black Americans, specifically young Black males. By 1989, 1 in every 4 black men aged 20 to 29 was either incarcerated or on probation. These statistics gave the United States the highest incarceration rate in the world in 1989, and this rate continued to increase between 1989 and 1995.

The implementation of these racist policies had consequences for the Black family dynamic. During the 1990s, the majority of black households were single mother households, as Black men were being lost to the prison system, addiction, or drug related violence. Several of these single mothers found it difficult to support their children alone, and often turned to selling or using crack themselves.

Addiction is a disease, and an addiction to crack is no different. The desire to continue, support and fulfill this addiction often superseded familial responsibilities, creating the Crack Generation.

The Crack Generation encompasses children born during the crack era or children directly affected by a parent’s crack addiction. This generation of children inherited structural disadvantages, counterproductive behaviors and a lack of preparation for a structured and adult lifestyle from their parents. They were forced to find ways to survive in unstable homes, like Ricochet’s two children. The crack epidemic also resulted in an increase of low birth weights and fetal deaths for black pregnant women. But the Reagan administration was not concerned with these devastating realities. The US government saw the spread of a drug mostly used by Black Americans, and the spread of fear of this drug by white Americans, and these two factors dictated an all too familiar response: a disregard of Black fears to soothe white fears.

The response to a crack epidemic was a failure. It failed to address the root cause of the spread of crack addiction within Black communities: economic and social inequality rooted in America’s longstanding history of systemic racism. Instead, America did one of the things it does best, criminalize its Black citizens. If crack users had been presented with an opportunity for rehabilitation, instead of jail time, it is possible the history of the crack epidemic would not be as devastatingly tragic and racist as it is.

✰

✰

✰

Image credits: Vox, via the New York Daily News/Getty Images
Meet Miami Golde, the Black Woman behind Féminin Rör

July 24th, 2021

Three years ago when student Miami Golde noticed that most prominent media companies were created by cis white men, she realized that she had to do something about it. There was a lack of a space created just for women within the industry.

So, this March, only two years out of college, Miami launched the digital publication Féminin Rör, which in Swedish means “Feminine Touch.”

I had the opportunity to talk to Miami in May to learn about why she created her publication and the music industry’s overall need for better female representation.

One of the first things we spoke about together was the sexism within the industry. Miami said, “If you look at [male-owned media companies] articles when they write about women, they’re all written by men. How can you talk about our experiences when you’re not experiencing what we’re going through?”

Miami was further inspired to start Féminin Rör after working for Diddy’s Revolt Summit two years ago. The Revolt Summit annually brings together Black and Brown people to “empower and inspire the next generation of leaders” in a variety of industries including entertainment, activism, and business. She learned that despite Diddy being the face of Revolt, all of his companies were led by Black women behind the scenes.

“I was like wow, I have to start my own company, I can’t just leave it as an idea. I want to actually bring this to life.”

Living in the DC area, Miami spoke about how there weren’t many opportunities to get involved in the music industry. “Not everyone can afford to go to New York for an internship, so why not create an opportunity for people to still get connections in the music industry while working in their home states and countries? Some of my interns work in Mexico, they still get to have that industry network.”

“It all goes back to representation and trying to level the playing field for everyone,” she stated.

Since March, Féminin Rör has given their paid interns the opportunity to interview numerous women in the music industry, ranging from Nicole Barsalona who is the founder of the nonprofit organization Women in Music, to Grammy-nominated recording engineer Mary Mazurek.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Féminin Rör (@femininror)

One of Miami’s favorite interviews she’s done was with Suzanne Rogers, who was Prince’s recording engineer.

Though Féminin Rör isn’t focused solely on Black women, Miami highlighted the importance of being a Black female owned organization during my interview with her. “It’s very important to me that I started to bringing on more Black women, because I noticed when I put out hiring ads, no Black people would apply. There aren’t that many Black women in our field.” Representation matters behind the scenes, and Miami emphasized that she hopes to encourage more Black women to become interested in writing about and creating music.

There’s still so much of a need for female voices in the music industry, especially at the executive level as CEOs or COOs. “You want [women] to be your muse, no, we want to be the decision makers. That shift needs to happen.”

Féminin Rör is just getting started. Miami and her team have plenty of plans for the upcoming months and years, especially her goal to go beyond a publication and continue to educate people through monthly workshops. Miami also wants to create a formal mentorship program to give women access to more solid connections within the industry.

When I asked Miami for some lasting advice to Black women who want to get started in the industry, or more broadly start their own organizations, she answered without hesitation. “Don’t wait on anyone to start your own thing. Don’t doubt yourself either– and always know your worth,” she said.
The Effects of Racial Burnout As a Black Woman

July 12th, 2021

Growing up I’ve always been highly aware of my race. The culmination of racism, colourism and texturism made me aware that I was Black from a young age. Due to racism, I was constantly fed the idea that Blackness was undesirable, unworthy and unwanted by those around me. By age five I already started being told that I needed to have thick skin and to be strong simply because I exist as a Black person.

Countless experiences with racism in predominantly white spaces and glaring stares in public places were the main reminders of my Blackness growing up and even up until now. As a Black woman, I can say that these racist encounters occur almost every day, not a day passes without the reminder of my melanated skin.

Imagine this, being reminded of your race so frequently, in a demeaning and dehumanising way, it eventually gets tiring. It is incredibly exhausting, to say the least. In one of my classes where I was the only Black person, I felt like my body was in constant flight or fight mode as I braced myself for the racist comments I knew I would walk into and have to endure.

This is known as Racial Battle Fatigue, which is described as the cumulative result of a natural race-related stress response to distressing mental and emotional conditions. These conditions emerged from constantly facing racially dismissive, demeaning, insensitive and/or hostile racial environments and individuals.

Microaggressions

Microaggressions are like mosquitos, they can pop up anywhere, at any given time; so much so that their pestering nature is exasperating. Some people get bitten by mosquitos more than others just because of their ethnicity, religion or gender. The mosquitos can strike in the workplace, at the grocery store and at school, at any given moment.

Given my experiences attending predominantly white schools, microaggressions have been a frequent form of racism for me. I’ve heard a fair share of racist and ignorant questions and statements countless times. Microaggressions may seem minor and minuscule on paper, but their effects are much larger.

Microaggressions are perceived as more subtle and implicit ways of expressing outright prejudice, colourism and discrimination. But their consistent and offensive nature shows how harmful they are to one’s mental wellbeing.

”Can I touch your hair?”

”You aren’t like other Black people.”

”You’re pretty for a Black girl.”

These statements build up, become heavy on the mind, and can lead an individual to feel tired to answer them because they’d have to explain their race and cultural identity over and over again. It’s not as simple as brushing them off as annoying remarks– it eventually becomes a burden to carry that you’re forced to encounter ever so frequently.

The debate over the existence of racism

Up until now people still debate over whether something is racist or not. They continue to question whether it was rooted in race and look for something else to blame the incident on. The issue with this is that it prevents us from sharing our experiences with racism and as a result silences our voices that are longing to be heard.

It’s draining to hear that people still don’t believe that hate crimes and denial of opportunities can be due to the colour of my skin. Because it stops us from recognising that racism is prevalent today, some people are still under the impression that racism was an issue of yesterday. For me as a Black woman, I do not feel that– I am black 24/7.

It takes a toll on me since it feels like we are going backwards. It feels like people who aren’t BIPOC think I am being ”too sensitive” or that I am ”overreacting” when they are only able to say this because they are white. It’s disheartening to hear these defensive rebuttals as they truly emphasize some of the racial bubbles some of my white counterparts are living in.

In summary

Racial burnout is real and having to recount trauma’s and sitting down having to explain that something was racist is painful and mentally draining for the ones who actually experience the racism.

As a Black woman, racism is everywhere for me no matter where I am, that’s how deeply rooted it is. As a result, having to encounter it and learning how to deal with it from a young age has taken a toll on my mind, in the way I present myself and navigate life as a person with melanated skin.

We deserve to rest and peace, and white supremacy is stopping us from getting to that. We deserve to be heard, seen and amplified.

✰

✰

✰

Photo by ArtByPrincella on Instagram

Microaggressions

The debate over the existence of racism

In summary