No, Black Women Are Not “Bitter” About Your Interracial Relationship

A Black boy on Tik Tok writes, “No hate but everytime I say I like white women, Black women always say to me ‘coon,’ ‘no taste,’ ‘go with those slave masters.’ But if I say I like Black women, white girls just say ‘oh ok.’” 

The problematic notion that Black women are bitterly defensive when Black men state a preference for white women is one desperately needed to be addressed.

To set the foundation for this conversation, race based preferences are objectifying. You are giving into racial stereotypes to believe that all individuals within a racial group have certain desirable characteristics. You have an expectation of how people of a race look and behave, though race is not genetic. 

When expressing a racial preference for white women, Black men state the desirability of white women in contrast to the undesirability of Black women. They claim that white women don’t have the ghetto or problematic behaviors that Black women stereotypically have. Oftentimes, the preference of white women doesn’t have to do with white women at all. It is most used to weaponize Black women with harmful stereotypes. It is rooted in a generalization that all Black women have certain bad characteristics, and the assumptions that no white woman will.   

The perceived undesirability of Black women is similarly influenced by sexual racism. This is a societal and individual sexual rejection of people of color or the minority within a space. The term sexual racism was coined in 1970s to prevent interracial couples, yet is still actualized by stereotypes in the media today. While presenting white women as beautiful, feminine, and desirable, Black women are ghetto, bitter and masculine. Notice how the Black man who wrote this original quote reinforces the angry Black woman trope. 

In addition to this problem, racial preferences become exclusionary. A preference is defined as “a greater liking for one alternative over another or others.” Having a preference for something does not mean that you would only exclusively engage with that preference. More often than not, people who claim to have racial preferences aren’t really talking about preferences. They would never consider even dating a person from a certain racial group.

This is rooted in generalizations based on stereotypes that all people from a certain race act the same. That’s beyond damaging. Not only do you miss out on incredible people because of stereotypes, you manage to judge someone solely off their race.

There is also a very fine line between “racial preferences” and racial fetishism, where you once again prioritize your attraction to an individual based on their race. This demands that your romantic interest exudes the expected traits from your idealization of their racial group, even if it is unnatural to them. In this instance, you take away their individuality, just as when people have racial preferences. This is not all to say that interracial couples are bad. However, if your interest in your romantic partner includes a fixation on their skin color, it is. 

The blanketed statement of “I like white women” or “I like Black women” is unnecessary. But as we see that “I like white women,” is often only used to demean Black women, it is understable why a Black woman would be defensive about being stereotyped. That is a defense of their individuality and character. It debunks the herd mentality that all Black women are monolithic. The problem isn’t really the fact that you don’t like Black women, it is that you bring them down in explaining why you like white women. And almost always, that is the case.

In addressing the second notion that white women are nonchalant about Black men dating Black women, it is natural for people to be attracted to cultural familiarity. It is comfortable to be with someone who understands your cultural background and shares similar customs. If a Black person likes to date other Black people, it’s because they experienced similar experiences, don’t feel the need to over explain their existence, and may feel better understood. It isn’t about someone’s skin color as much as it is their culture and experience. In addition, stating that you like Black women is never accompanied with bringing down white women. The white woman is not being attacked with negative stereotypes.

Contrary to the comments under this video, Black women are not guilt tripping anyone into liking them, they aren’t over exaggerating the hate they get, nor are they insecure (that’s implying that there is something to be insecure about). 

Rather, it is a simple enough task to stop degrading Black women every chance you get, then proceed to gaslight them when they speak up. If you choose to have your racial preference of white women, find a real reason for doing so without bringing Black women down. It is absolutely exhaustive having to fight off stereotypes from both outside and within our community. So, respectfully, stop with the obsessive behavior and leave Black women in peace.

Art credits: Destiny Darcel, @destinydarcel on Instagram

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